Rules Without Relationship Creates Resistance

Personal Reflections

A few weeks ago, I heard someone say something that immediately stopped me in my tracks.

"Rules without relationship create resistance."

I wrote it down almost instantly. Not because it sounded clever, but because it perfectly described something I'd been observing throughout my career without ever having the words to explain it.

When I became a supervisor, one of the biggest adjustments wasn't learning policies or managing schedules. It was learning how to relate to people who, only the day before, had simply been my colleagues. Overnight, the dynamic changed. Whether I liked it or not, I was no longer just another nurse on the team. I was now someone with influence, responsibility, and, to some extent, authority.

I'll admit, that transition wasn't easy. I genuinely cared about the people I worked with, and suddenly I found myself trying to balance being approachable with making decisions that not everyone would agree with. There were moments when I questioned whether I was getting that balance right.

What surprised me most, however, was that whenever an issue arose, people still came to me. They knew me before I became their supervisor. They knew how I communicated, they knew I would listen, and they knew I would be fair, even if the outcome wasn't always what they hoped for.

That's not to say there was never resistance. There certainly was, especially when someone realized they couldn't get their own way. But those moments were the exception rather than the rule. Most of the time, because the relationship had already been established, difficult conversations remained just that—difficult conversations. They rarely became personal.

Looking back, I don't think people responded positively because of my title. I think they responded because the relationship came before the leadership. The trust had already been built long before I was ever asked to supervise the team.

As my career progressed, I found myself walking into organizations where nobody knew me. There was no shared history, no existing trust, and no relationships to build upon. Each time, I had to start from the beginning.

I never had a grand strategy for doing that. I simply showed up as myself. I listened more than I spoke. I learned people's names, asked questions, and tried to understand the environment before trying to influence it. Over time, something familiar would happen. People would begin stopping by to chat, asking for advice, or quietly sharing concerns they hadn't voiced before.

Those experiences taught me something I now believe wholeheartedly. People rarely resist the rule itself. More often, they resist the relationship behind it. When people know you care about them, accountability feels very different than when they believe you're simply enforcing policy.

That realization took on even greater meaning while preparing my recent presentation on recognizing impairment in the workplace. Organizations invest significant time developing policies and procedures, and rightly so. Policies matter. But policies alone don't create workplaces where people feel safe enough to admit they're struggling, report a concern, or speak up before someone gets hurt.

That's where psychological safety begins. People don't just need to know the procedure; they need to trust the person they're bringing the problem to. Trust doesn't eliminate accountability, but it makes accountability far more effective because it is built on relationship rather than fear.

Not long after hearing that first quote, I came across another from Dwight D. Eisenhower:

"Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because they want to do it."

The older I get, the more I appreciate the wisdom in those words. The best leaders I've worked with rarely had to remind people they were in charge. Their influence wasn't built on authority alone. It was built on credibility, consistency, and trust.

Looking back over nearly two decades in healthcare and occupational health, I've come to believe that culture isn't built through policies alone. It's built through everyday interactions, ordinary conversations, and leaders who consistently show up for their people. Rules may establish expectations, but relationships determine whether people choose to embrace them.

Perhaps that's why that simple quote resonated with me so deeply. It gave language to something I'd been witnessing for years.

Because people may comply with rules.

But they commit to leaders they trust.

Reflection

As leaders, we spend a great deal of time strengthening our policies.

Perhaps we should spend just as much time strengthening our relationships.

Because when relationship comes first, resistance often has far less room to grow.